That's what it says at the top of the letter I just received from Mass. General Hospital. You may now address me as Delicious Tastyblood, Esq.
Backstory: I tried to donate blood at Arisia and failed. It was a great experience otherwise--the Sexy Nurses and the real nurses were professional, and gyzki and the_termagant came with me for moral support. However, when the real nurses took a one-drop blood sample, they found my iron levels were too low to allow me to donate. ("Does that mean I'm anemic?" I quavered. "No, it just means you need more iron," said the weary nurse. "Go home and eat some spinach.") I've been diligently getting more iron in my diet since then, so I can go over to MGH and donate there.
The letter says that, based off the miniscule sample they took, I have no HLA antibodies in my blood. See here for a Wikipedia page, mostly impenetrable to me. The gist of it is that lots of people have HLA-positive blood, which can cause lung injury in the transfusion recipient and, I guess, also cause graft failure/rejection in transplants. HLA-positive blood is still useful in a lot of cases, but if you have HLA antibodies you can't donate platelets, which are useful for leukemia patients and transplant patients. That is Where I Come In.
They're requesting that I come in and donate platelets through a process called apheresis, which my spell checker doesn't acknowledge is a real word. Apheresis involves spending an hour with a needle in my arm, which sucks out about a pint, removes its platelets, and cycles the rest of the fluid (plasma, red and white cells) back into my body. Sounds uncomfortable and boring, but what the hell, I'll bring a book.
Really, they had me at "Your Blood is Extra Special!" Who wouldn't love to be told that? I've been smug ever since. Of course,the vampire story writes itself: an old, frail, wise vampire who is good at passing for human is on the staff at MGH, and he uses the ceiling cameras on board the Bloodmobile to pick out chicks. Then he gets their paperwork out, drafts flattering letters on the Donor Center stationery, and waits for the tasty women to come hurrying over to MGH. I will soon be among their number, because that's one hell of a pickup line.
The day after I received the letter, I encountered this My Chemical Romance song and its accompanying cute fanvid. I like how the central character has the least reassuring smile ever. Question: why do vampirettes travel in threes? It's not a riddle or the setup for a joke, I'm just wondering whether it's a hunting technique or an efficient defense against Peter Cushing or a polyamorous relationship or a religious observance. Whenever you have sexy female vampires, which is all the time, there's usually a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, from Stoker by way of Universal Pictures. In their nighties with their hair down and perfect lipstick.
My icon is from Hammer Horror's Brides of Dracula. OK, there are only two brides and they're both brunettes, but still. (Three of my five new icons are vampires. Apparently I'm on a horror binge again.)
Well, they encourage your complete cooperation
Bring you roses when they think you need to smile
I can't control myself because I don't know how
And they love me for it, honestly, I'll be here for a while.